The Legend of Zelda's Marriage
by ZelinkSupporter
Summary: Princess Zelda must find a magic ring, return home, and escape an abusive parent to win the hand of Link.


Ten year old rich boy, Lincoln "Link" Avalon, was playing with his best friend, nine year old Princess Zelda Harkinian. The two were always together, and their mothers loved that fact. Link's Father also was fond of Zelda.

The only one who wasn't happy about it was Zelda's Father. Link was carving something into a tree as Zelda was looking at a bruise on her arm. Link noticed the bruises for the first time and became worried about his best friend.

"Are you okay?" he asked.

"I hate him," Zelda sniffled.

"But he's your dad," Link replied.

Zelda nodded before tears started to flow down her eyes. Link decided now was as good a time as any. He reached into his pocket and pulled out his arts and crafts project. It was just a bead on a strand of yarn, but he made it for her.

"Here," he said.

Zelda took the gift and looked it over. She put it on and hugged Link.

"Thanks," she said.

"Zelda!" called a voice. "Where are you?!"

Zelda sighed and let Link go.

"That's my mom," Zelda said. "Wanna walk me back to Castle Town?"

Link nodded and took her by the hand and they went to Castle Town together.

-POINTLESS SCENE TRANSITION-

(Castle Town)

Link and Zelda ran through castle town, arms linked. The ones who saw the two cute kids awed as they ran by.

"Ah," said a woman. "Isn't young love cute, Darling?"

"It reminds me of us, Honey," said her husband. "We were about their age when we met."

Link and Zelda ignored the loving couple and went to Hyrule Castle. When they got there, Zelda's mother hugged her daughter and Zelda's Father rubbed Link's head.

"Thank you, Link," he said. "Thank you for once again returning my little darling."

Link knew that his love for Zelda was false. He only showed respect around Link because he thought Link didn't know about the abuse. Link knew, and was going to tell his parents. This was the first time Link had realized the king was manipulating him.

He decided that he would let all of the Kingdom of Hyrule know. But he needed hardcore evidence to prove it, or he could face a death sentence. He would save his friend from her evil father once and for all.

-POINTLESS SCENE TRANSITION-

(Nine Years Later)

Zelda was now a beautiful young woman, usually with brown hair. She wore ornate earrings as well as a royal gown of white and lavender color, bearing the Royal Family's crest. Zelda was ready to finally to ask Link's parents to accept her parents' proposal.

She was in her carriage with her guards on either side of her on her way to Link's Parents' House. Link was a self-made multibillionaire and had moved out. His parents were basically using their wealthy son for money.

Link and Zelda had been secretly dating since Zelda was in eighth grade and Link was a freshmen in high school. Link was now a multibillionaire freshmen in college and Zelda was a senior in high school. While Zelda's parents approved of the relationship, Link's parents had grown to really hate Zelda.

They said that they didn't want her to influence their son's money. Zelda assumed they meant the inheritance money he would give to his family when he died. Zelda would change their minds on her. She just knew it and was going to today.

She would win back their affections and would become Link's wife. Link had already proposed, and Zelda's parents said they were fine with it. Now what they needed was Link's Parents' blessings. It was something that Zelda was sure she would get if they saw how happy their son was.

Link was already there, telling his parents he was getting married, but Zelda was nervous. When she pulled up to the house, she was helped out of the carriage and she knocked on the door. She wasn't allowed to just walk in, and she would respect a families choice.

Despite being their princess, she refused to use her power to take away their rights. Link answered the door and let her in. Link was currently an attractive 19 year old with dirty blonde hair, blue eyes, and a well-built physique.

Link was the bearer of the Triforce of Courage on his left hand. Link was, at the very least, of shorter height than normal Hylian-Werepires around his age.

"So?" Zelda asked. "How did they take it?"

"They weren't happy," Link replied. "But they decided to work out a deal with you."

"Oh…" Zelda said, disappointed. "Okay then…"

Link lead Zelda to the living room and they sat down across from Link's Parents, who were glaring at Zelda. She felt nervous, but didn't show it and smiled at them.

"Princess Zelda," said Mr. Eko Avalon. "You're the one who my son wants to marry, but I can't give my blessings."

"I can't either," said Mrs. Opha Avalon. "But… maybe if you do something for us, we'll consider it."

Zelda looked confused, but heard them out anyways.

"You have to find a magic ring, escape your abusive father, and return here to win the hand of Link," Eko said.

"If you do this," Opha said. "We'll possibly allow you to marry our little boy. _**POSSIBLY**_."

-POINTLESS SCENE TRANSITION-

(Some Time Later)

Link was arguing with his parents about how unreasonable they were being as Zelda searched on her iPhone where she would get a magic ring. She saw that the magical creatures each had one. Witches, Wizards, Mages, and other creatures.

She knew a witch, but the adventure wouldn't be easy. She decided that she would need help from her friends to do this. Link was escorting her to her carriage when he began a conversation.

"You know they're mocking you, right?" Link said.

"I know," Zelda replied. "But I actually know where to find a magic ring."

"Oh?" Link smirked. "Really?"

"Magic Supernaturals all have one," she smiled. "And we happen to know a few magical creatures."

Link smiled and nodded in agreement.

"We do, don't we?" he said. "But I doubt that any of them would just hand it over."

"I know," Zelda sighed. "I'll have to figure out a way to gain their trust before they even _**CONSIDER**_ handing something like that over."

Link and Zelda got into the carriage together and they both thought about what to do. One look and they knew, they had the same idea.

"I'll call my twin and cousins," Link said.

"And I'll call my group," Zelda said.

They called on their phones and explained what was going on and where to meet to go on this adventure. Their groups had a thirst for adventure, so they agreed to go, but it would depend on certain things if they were willing to go.

-POINTLESS SCENE TRANSITION-

(The Midnight Beach)

Dark Pit "Kuro" Sanchez and Dark Patrisha "Tamantha" Avalon-Henderson were waiting at their signature spot, watching the sunset together. In terms of appearance, Dark Pit had black clothing and hair, and dark-colored wings.

He had red eyes, gold trim on some parts of the chiton, and gold accessories opposed to the silver. His tunic had triangular patterns. He had the appearance of a 18-year old with a height of 6'9". Dark Pit was described as a Kuudere.

Kuudere was someone who always remained calm and composed. Though Dark Pit acted serious on the outside, he often had a very dry, sarcastic sense of humor. He had deep love for Dark Patrisha, which she was unaware of, but was afraid to show it too often because he viewed it as a weakness.

More often than not, Dark Pit came off as emotionless, acting very cold, blunt and cynical. Dark Patrisha was a nice, shy girl and Dark Pit's polar opposite. Dark Patrisha's appearance held the black and red theme, having a puff sleeved top with a cleavage window and a split to show her navel.

Her skirt was black and she was often in long boots or thigh highs when wearing heeled shoes. Despite this, they were close as could be. Dark Link "Yami" Avalon walked over and leaned on the tree in next to his little cousin and his best friend.

He wore a tunic and a long, floppy cap. His entire outfit was black or dark gray. Moreover, his hair was either a shadowy black or a dark gray. Dark Link tended to be left-handed, however, he had shown to favor either hand.

Another of his notable features were his red eyes. Dark Link and Dark Pit had known each other since early childhood, and it was Dark Link that introduced him to Dark Patrisha. When Dark Pit and Dark Patrisha met, they "hit it off" as Dark Link put it, and the duo of became a trio quickly after.

Dark Link said that he "shipped them" from that day onward. Dark Patrisha could never figure out what that meant, but Dark Pit did know and would deny it.

"So," Dark Link said. "How long have you two been waiting?"

"About ten minutes," Dark Pit answered, emotionless as ever. "How 'bout you?"

"I just got here," Dark Link replied. "Kage hasn't had any… episodes, right?"

Dark Pit shook his head.

"She's been fine," he said.

Dark Zelda "Shan" Gōjasu then walked over and sat next to Dark Pat on the tree trunk. Dark Zelda had a similar appearance to Princess Zelda, but was very distinct. Dark Zelda had a dark purple color scheme that matched her long dark hair.

The Triforce patterns were designed on her attire. Dark Zelda also wore earrings positioned upside down. Dark Zelda's staff was also tipped with an inverted Triforce, although in this case, the Triforce pattern is inscribed on a tetrahedron shape.

Aside from the difference in color scheme, her clothing was near identical to Princess Zelda's attire. However, Dark Zelda's dress was sleeveless and included a pair of long white gloves. Dark Zelda also had red eyes, in contrast to Zelda's blue eyes.

Dark Zelda was Dark Link's girlfriend and one of Dark Patrisha's best friends. They were pretty serious, but had no plans to get married while being in school. It was almost time to start school, but they were more focused on whatever Link and Zelda needed.

Pit Jones and Patrisha Avalon-Tellesco showed up together. Pit looked to be a boy in his late teens, about 18 years of age, with a height around 6'9" tall. Pit had blue eyes and many tufts in his hair including a single unruly cowlick.

His chiton was white, and decorated with red and gold hems with vine-like patterns. It was fastened on the shoulder by a single gold fibula with a red gem embedded in it, along with a loose scarf. He wore the outfit with a brown belt and a gold triangular buckle.

Pit also appeared to wear a skin-tight navy undershirt and shorts beneath. The angel had a pair of brown and gold cuffs on his wrists, a gold bracelet on his upper left arm, and another gold ring on his right thigh.

Pit's sandals were brown, decorated with crossing beige bands and fuzzy white trims. Patrisha Avalon-Tellesco was a Werepire with long, turquoise pigtails. The design on Patrisha's skirt and boots was based off synthesizer program colors, and the bars represented actual bars within the program.

Part of her design was based on some of YAMAHA's DX-100 and the DX-7 models. The thin squares around her pigtails were futuristic ribbons made of a special material that floated in place. They were able to hold Patrisha's pigtails in place without having to physically touch the hair itself.

They sat together on the tree trunk next to Dark Zelda.

"Hey, guys," Patrisha greeted. "Where are Link and Zelda?"

Patrisha was Link and Dark Link's younger cousin, Pit's girlfriend since middle school, Dark Patrisha's half-twin sister, and Zelda's friendly rival. Well… Zelda saw Patrisha as a rival, but Patrisha had been nothing but nice to Zelda.

"We don't know," Dark Patrisha answered. "We've all arrived before em."

"I think it's because we're getting our introductions," Pit said.

Pit was Link's best friend and the one who got Link and Zelda together. He and Link met in preschool and had been close to each other since. Link approved of Pit dating Patrisha because Link believed Pit would remain faithful to his little cousin.

"What?" Dark Pit asked. "That is one of the dumbest things I've ever heard you say, Pit-stain."

Dark Pit and Pit were roommates, but that didn't mean they got along. They just needed someone of the same gender to live with at the time and they chose each other. The only reason they chose each other was because their best friends were living together already.

Dark Pit had a habit of being cold and rude towards Pit, or just distancing himself from his roommate all together. Pit tried to get Dark Pit out of his "shell", but Dark Pit would either insult him, ignore him, or leave the conversation all together.

"How long have you guys been here?" Patrisha asked.

Dark Patrisha checked her expensive jPhone. The hologram popped up to show the time.

"About 30 minutes for Kuro and myself," she said. "Meaning about 20 minutes for Shan and Yami."

"I see," Pit said. "Well, they called us here, and they're running late."

Link and Zelda came together shortly after. They were panting as if they had ran all the way here.

"Sorry we're late," Link said. "I had to find a way around my parents' house to get here."

"Sorry isn't enough," Dark Pit replied. "We've been here for 45 minutes."

"Now's not the time to start something, Kuro," Zelda said. "We need to find a magic ring."

"For what purpose?" Dark Zelda asked.

"Because my parents want one for some reason," Link said. "Mainly because they don't think such a thing exists."

"Don't witches, wizards, mages, and other magic-using Supernaturals have magic rings?" Dark Link asked.

"Yep," Dark Patrisha replied.

"Then why don't they believe in them?" Pit asked, confused.

"Because they're gay retards," Dark Pit answered.

Link laughed hard at that and Dark Link looked at him with anger and confusion.

"What do you say about them when we're _**NOT**_ in the area?!" Dark Link asked.

"Pretty much nothing unless they're brought up," Dark Pit shrugged. "Then I say the same shit basically."

"Well…" Pit sighed. "At least he's honest."

"Focusing on the business at hand," Zelda said. "We called you here to help us get the magic ring."

Dark Pit lit a Moon Rocks Cigarette and took a puff.

"What's in it for me?" he asked, rubbing his thumb and index finger together.

"How does $1.7 Million sound?" Link offered.

Dark Pit gave it some thought before agreeing to help. He was a carefree, manipulative, and selfish teen, but that's what Dark Link and Dark Patrisha liked about him. Everyone in school idolized him for his carefree lifestyle and tried to emulate him.

Dark Pit was unconcerned with popularity and loved the fear he struck into other students. He didn't have anything against Link or Zelda. He just didn't care about their relationship. It was none of his business, so he didn't get directly involved.

"Alright," Patrisha said. "So, where are we gonna find this magic ring?"

"Well…" Zelda stammered. "I was kinda hoping you had an idea, Pat."

"Unfortunately…" Patrisha sighed. "I don't. I just didn't think of one because this isn't my relationship."

"I hate you, you flea-bitten old bag," Zelda muttered.

"Hm?" Patrisha asked, not hearing Zelda.

"Oh," Zelda smiled. "Nothing."

Patrisha nodded and gave it some thought before coming up with an idea.

-POINTLESS SCENE TRANSITION-

(One Explanation Later)

"…And that's how we'd get the magic ring," Patrisha finished.

"That's actually a good idea," Dark Pit said. "I really enjoy how it sounds."

Patrisha rolled her eyes and playfully shoved Dark Pit. She and Dark Pit were friends, so she knew she could get away with it. Dark Pit chuckled and playfully shoved back. After the shoving match, everyone regained focus.

They were prepared for their adventure and got ready to go. They were going to do this, but they didn't want to die, so they would make sure that their motives were clear when they the Mage's territory. They were all in the Sacred Forest, trying to find that territory.

-POINTLESS SCENE TRANSITION-

(Nightfall)

"Kuro…" Dark Patrisha whimpered. "Where did everybody go…? We can't find em."

"Tamantha," he said. "You look like you're about to faint from wandering in the woods for so long, and to tell you the truth, I've gotten us lost. We'll take a rest, if you think it's a good idea, and wait until daylight when things will be easier."

"Let's dae that, Kuro," Dark Patrisha agreed. "Find summat to cushion yeh whilst yeh kip. I'm gonna rest my head on this little slope."

"We can both sleep together on the grass," Dark Pit suggested. "We'll have one heart, one bed, two bodies, and one faithful vow."

Dark Patrisha blushed and shook her head furiously.

"No, K-row," she said. "Please, for my sake, kip a little farther away. Don't kip so close to me."

"Oh, sweetheart," he smirked. "I didn't mean anything naughty when I said that. When lovers talk to each other, their hearts should understand each other. I just meant that our hearts are joined, so we can almost think of them as one heart. Our two bodies are linked together by the promises we've made to each other, so there are two bodies and one faithful vow. So let me sleep next to you. If I lie _**NEXT**_ to you, I won't lie _**TO**_ you. I'll be faithful and respect you."

Dark Patrisha blushed and smiled some.

"Yeh've got a way with words," she said, shyly. "I would certainly be cheeky and shameful if I had implied that yeh were a liar. But please, darling, kip a little farther away so we can behave properly. It's only proper for a well-behaved bachelor and a well-behaved quine to be physically separated fancy this. Stay away for now, and smashing night, my sweet china plate. I hope yer love for me remains this strong for yer entire life!"

"Amen to that," Dark Pit replied. "I hope my life ends before my loyalty to you does. I'll sleep over here. Sleep well!"

"Yeh kip well, too," Dark Patrisha smiled, falling asleep.

Dark Pit fell asleep soon after.

-POINTLESS SCENE TRANSITION-

(With Everyone Else)

The remaining six were searching for Dark Pit and Dark Patrisha. They didn't know when they lost them, but they did, and had to find them. Pit was against it at first, seeing it as freedom to an eternity of bullying.

"You do know that you'd have to pay both halves of your bills, right?" Dark Zelda said.

"Oh shit," Pit gasped. "We gotta find them."

And the search was on. They decided to split up and search for them. Patrisha ended up finding Dark Pit sleeping, his Silver Bow attached to his belt. She knew better than to wake him, so she just set up camp near them and went to sleep.

Link, however, didn't have as much good luck. He ran into one of his many stalkers and was currently trying to escape.

"Stop, Link!" Cia said. "Stop, even if only to kill me."

"I'm telling you, get out of here," Link snapped. "And don't follow me around like this."

"Oh," Cia frowned. "Will you leave me alone in the dark? Don't."

"Stay here at your own risk," Link said. "I'm going on alone."

He managed to get away and Cia sighed.

"Oh," she panted. "I'm out of breath from this foolish chase. The more I pray, the less I get out of it. Zelda is lucky, wherever she is, because she has beautiful eyes. How did her eyes get so bright? Not from crying. If that's the case, tears wash my eyes more than hers. No, no, I'm as ugly as a bear, since animals that see me run away in terror. So it's no surprise that Link runs away from me as if I were a monster. What evil and deceitful mirror made me think I could rival Zelda's starry eyes?"

She saw Dark Pit lying on the ground, sleeping. Running over, she needed to know if he was okay. Dark Pit was another hottie that had captured Cia's heart. She never acted on it due to her finding Link better. And the fact that she was kind of scared of Dark Pit.

"But who's this here?" she wondered. "Kuro, on the ground? Is he dead or sleeping? I don't see any blood or injuries. Kuro, if you're alive, wake up."

Dark Pit sat up and stretched. He wasn't one to be woken up, and had nothing but rage in his eyes. He looked to see who had woken him from his slumber and saw it was Cia.

" _ **WHY DID YOU WAKE ME, BITCH**_?!" he snapped, angry.

Cia didn't flinch at Dark Pit's rage. Dark Pit noticed that Dark Patrisha was gone and became enraged with Cia. He got up and went to look for Dark Patrisha and to get away from Cia. She followed him, however, which annoyed him greatly.

"Why are you so rude to someone who loves you so much?" Cia asked. "Save that kind of harsh language for your worst enemy."

"I'm only scolding you now," Dark Pit snapped. "But I should treat you much worse, because I'm afraid you've given me good reason to curse you. If you killed Tappy while she was sleeping, then you're already up to your ankles in blood. You might as well jump right into a bloodbath and kill me, too. She was more faithful to me than the sun is to the daytime. Would she have snuck away from me while I was asleep? I'll believe that when I believe that there's a hole through the center of the earth, and the moon has passed all the way through to the other side. The only possibility is that you've murdered her. A murderer should look like you do, so pale and grim."

"That's how someone who's been murdered should look," Cia said. "And that's how I look. You've pierced me through the heart with your cruelty, and yet you, the murderer, look as bright and clear as a star in the sky."

"What does that have to do with my Tappy?" he asked. "Where is she? Oh, good Cia, will you find her for me?"

Cia laughed at that.

"I would rather feed her corpse to my dogs," she replied.

"Get out, dog!" Dark Pit demanded. "You've driven me to my wit's end. Did you kill her, then? From now on I won't even consider you a Smashtopican. Oh, just tell the truth for once. Tell the truth, if only for my sake. Would you have even dared to look at her when she was awake? And did you kill her while she was sleeping? Oh, how brave of you! A snake could do that as easily as you could. A snake did do it, because no snake ever had a more forked, lying tongue than you have."

"You're getting all worked up over a misunderstanding," Cia said. "I didn't kill Tamantha. As far as I know, she's not even dead."

"Then please tell me she's all right," Dark Pit said.

"If I told you that," Cia smirked. "What would I get out of it?"

"The privilege of never seeing me again," he snapped. "And now I'm gonna leave your despised company. You'll never see me again, whether or not she's dead."

Dark Pit managed to escape Cia and continued his search for Dark Patrisha.

"I can't go after him when he's in a rage like this," Cia sighed. "So I'll stay here for a while. Sadness gets worse when you haven't had enough sleep. I'll try to sleep a little here."

Cia laid down and fell asleep.

-POINTLESS SCENE TRANSITION-

(Unknown Location)

Dark Patrisha was being called by a whistle of some kind and had to follow it. She knew it wasn't wise to leave Dark Pit, but it was so compelling to follow the whistle. She followed it, but stopped when she saw it was a Supernatural Hunter blowing the whistle.

Other Werewolves were following it, but Dark Patrisha fought against it and successfully turned around and left. Dark Patrisha and this Supernatural Hunter had clashed many times before. The Supernatural Hunter, however, saw her and was spontaneously attracted to her.

He didn't want to kill her. He wanted to be with her. He walked over to her and took her by her hand.

"I'd even run through fire if you told me to," he said. "Radiant, beautiful Princess! I feel like Mother Nature has allowed me to see into your heart, as if by magic. Where is the Larry? Oh, I'd kill that name with my sword if I could!"

"Don't say that, Wade," Dark Patrisha said. "Don't say that. Why dae yeh care that he loves Ilia? What does it matter? Ilia still loves yeh, so be chuffed."

Wade scoffed in disgust.

"Happy with Ilia?" he scoffed. "No. I regret all the boring time I wasted with her. I don't love Ilia. I love The Werewolf Princess. Who wouldn't love a dove more than a crow? A man's desires are influenced by his logical mind, and it's simply logical that you're more worthy of love than Ilia is. Fruits and vegetables don't ripen until the right season of the year. Likewise, I'm young, and my sense of reason has just ripened. I can finally see the light. My logic has more control over my desires than it used to, and it's telling me to look into your eyes, where I see every love story ever told."

Dark Patrisha took great offense to Wade's flirting.

"Why does everyone always make fun of me?" she sniffled. "What hae I done to deserve this kind of treatment from yeh? Is it not dooze, is it not dooze, young man, that I'll never be pretty dooze to get a kind shufty from Kuro? Dae yeh hae to harp on my inadequacy? Adea, Goddess Of Torture, it's pete tong for yeh to woo me in such a cruel, disdainful way. But toodle pip. I hae to tell yeh, I thought yeh were a much kinder Smashtopican than this. Oh, how awful that a lady who's been rejected by one man should therefore be treated horribly by another one!"

She stormed off to find Dark Pit, but Wade did not want to let her get away.

"She doesn't see Ilia," he said. "Ilia, keep sleeping, and don't come near me ever again! Eating too many sweets makes Smashtopicans sick to their stomachs, and Smashtopicans always hate the mistakes they made in the past worse than anyone else hates those mistakes. Ilia, you're the sweet I've had too much of, and the mistake I used to make, so I hate you more than anyone else does. I'll use all my talents and efforts to serve Tappy and bring her honor."

He proceeded after her. Ilia, however, woke up soon after from a nightmare.

"Help me, Wade, help me!" she screamed. "Get this snake off of my chest. Cibagi, God Of Dreams! What a terrible dream I just had! Wade, look how I'm shaking from fear. I thought a snake was eating my heart while you sat smiling and watching. Wade! What, is he gone? Wade, Aella, Goddess Of Fear! What, is he out of earshot? Gone? No answer, nothing? Itdos, God Of Fear, where are you? Say something if you can hear me. Say something, please! I'm almost fainting with fear. Nothing? Then I guess you're nowhere nearby. I'll find you right away, or die trying."

-POINTLESS SCENE TRANSITION-

(With Everyone Else)

Everyone had met up at Patrisha's campsite and wondered where Dark Patrisha was. Dark Link was biting his nails in a nervous manner and Link and Patrisha were discussing what to do.

"We shouldn't go searching for her at night," Link said. "It's too dangerous."

"Well that didn't stop us from looking for Kuro!" Dark Link argued.

"He's right, y'know," Patrisha said. "We have to find Tamantha. Supernatural Hunters come out at night."

They stuck together this time and went to look for Dark Patrisha.

-POINTLESS SCENE TRANSITION-

(Unknown Location)

Wade had found Dark Patrisha and continued to follow her. Dark Patrisha, however, made it clear that she wasn't interested.

"Why do you think I'm making fun of you when I tell you I love you?" Wade asked. "Smashtopicans don't cry when they're mocking someone. Look, when I swear that I love you, I cry, and when someone cries while he's making a promise, he's usually telling the truth. How can it seem like I'm making fun of you, when my tears prove that I'm sincere?"

Dark Patrisha laughed humorlessly.

"Yeh get trickier and trickier," she replied. "Yeh've made the same promises to me and to Ilia. They can't both be true! They must both be false. The promises yeh're making to me belong to Ilia. Will yeh abandon her? If yeh weighed the promises yeh made to me against the promises yeh made to her, they'd come out the same. They both weigh nowt. They're porky pies."

"I wasn't thinking clearly when I made those promises to her," Wade said.

"And I don't believe yeh're thinking clearly now," Dark Patrisha scoffed. "As yeh break those promises."

"Larry loves her," Wade said. "And he doesn't love you."

Dark Patrisha scoffed and turned to leave, but stopped when she heard a voice.

"Oh Tamantha, you goddess," Larry said. "You divine and perfect nymph! What can I compare your eyes to? Crystal isn't as clear as they are. Oh, your lips are as ripe as a pair of tempting cherries touching each other! The pure white of the snow on a mountaintop seems black as a crow's wing next to the whiteness of your hands. Oh, let me kiss your beautiful white hand. It'll make me so happy!"

"Damn it!" Dark Patrisha snapped. "Skane yeh're making vows and promises and praising my beauty when I know yeh're really both disgusted by Werewolves. Yeh're competing for Ilia's love, and now yeh're competing to see which one of yeh can make my heart swoon."

"Don't be cruel, Larry," Wade said. "I know you love Ilia, and you know I know it. Right here, right now, I swear I'm giving up all my claims on her and handing her to you. In exchange, give up your claim to love Tamantha, since I love her and will love her until I die."

"Nobody's ever gone to so much barney just to make fun of someone," Dark Patrisha said.

Larry rolled his eyes and chuckled humorlessly.

"Wade, keep your Ilia," Larry said. "I don't want her. If I ever loved her, all that love is gone now. My love for her was temporary. Now I'll love Tamantha forever."

"Princess," Wade said. "It's not true."

"Don't insult a deep love that you don't understand," Larry threatened. "Or you'll pay the price. Look, here comes the woman you love."

Ilia ran over and gave Wade a hug.

"It's hard to see clearly in the dark of night," Ilia said. "But it's easier to hear well. I couldn't see you, Wade, but I heard your voice, and that's how I found you. Why did you leave me alone so unkindly?"

Wade chuckled.

"Why stay when love tells you to go?" Wade answered.

"But what love could make my Wade leave me?" Ilia asked.

"I had to hurry to my love, beautiful Werewolf Princess," he answered. "Who lights up the night better than all those fiery stars. Why are you looking for me? Didn't you figure out that I left you because I hate you?"

"You can't mean what you're saying," Ilia said. "It's impossible."

Dark Patrisha decided this was a good time to leave and backed away, but not slow enough.

"Stay, lovely Tamantha," Wade said. "Listen to my excuse. My love, my life, my soul, beautiful Tamantha!"

"I'm not interested," Dark Patrisha said.

"Tamantha, I love you," Wade said. "I swear I do. I'll give my life for you, just to prove this guy wrong when he says I don't love you."

"I say that I love you more than he does," Larry said.

"If that's what you say," Wade said. "Go fight a duel with me and prove it."

"You're on," Larry replied. "Let's do it."

Ilia held Wade back.

"Wade," she said. "Where are you going with all this?"

"Away, you Ethiope!" Wade snapped.

"No, no," Larry laughed. "He'll act like he's gonna break free from you, Ilia. Pretend like you're gonna follow me, but then don't come. You're a coward, get out of here!"

"Stop hanging on me, you cat, you thorn," Wade snapped. "Let go of me, or I'll shake you off like a snake."

"Why have you gotten so rude?" Ilia asked. "What's happened to you, my darling?"

"Your darling?" Wade laughed humorlessly. "Get out, you dark-skinned gypsy! Get out, you horrible poison. Get out!"

"Are you joking?" Ilia sniffled.

"Dear Brother," Wade said. "I'm ready to fight you as promised."

"I wish we had a signed legal contract," Larry taunted. "I can see you don't keep your promises very well. I don't trust you."

"What?" Wade retorted. "Do you want me to hit Ilia, hurt her, kill her? Sure, I hate her, but I wouldn't hurt her."

"Can you hurt me anymore than by saying you hate me?" Ilia sobbed. "Hate me? Why? What's happened to you, my love? Am I not Ilia? Aren't you Wade? I'm as beautiful now as I was a little while ago. You still loved me when we fell asleep, but when you woke up you left me. So you left me. Oh, God help me! For real?"

"I certainly did," Wade smirked. "And I never wanted to see you again. So stop hoping and wondering what I mean. I've spelled it out for you clearly. It's no joke. I hate you and love Tamantha."

"Oh, no!" Ilia wailed, angry. "You trickster, you snake! You thief! What, did you sneak in at night and steal my love's heart from him?"

"Oh, that's bleedin' noice!" Dark Patrisha chuckled. "Yeh ought to be ashamed of yourself! yeh're gonna make me mad dooze to answer yeh? Damn yeh, yeh faker, yeh puppet!"

""Puppet"?" Ilia gasped. "Why "puppet"? Oh, I see where this is going. She's talking about our difference in height. She's paraded in front of him to show off how tall she is. She won him over with her height. Does he have such a high opinion of you because I'm so short? Is that it? So how short am I, you painted barber pole? Tell me. How short am I? I'm not too short to gouge your eyes out with my fingernails."

"Please don't let her hurt me, gentlemen," Dark Patrisha begged. "However much yeh want to tease me. I never was much smashing with insults. I'm not mean and catty fancy her. I'm a noice shy quine. Please don't let her twatted me. Maybe yeh think that because she's shorter than me I can take her."

""Shorter"!" Ilia snapped. "See, she's doing it again!"

"Smashing Ilia," Dark Patrisha said. "Please don't act so bitter toward me. Just let me go quietly back to my mates. Please let me go."

"Well, get out of here then!" Ilia snapped. "What's keeping you?"

"Don't be afraid," Wade said. "She can't hurt you, Tamantha."

"That's right," Larry replied. "Ilia won't hurt Tamantha even if you try to help her."

Wade turned to Ilia, who had finally let him go.

"Get lost," Wade snapped. "You dwarf, you tiny little weed, you scrap, you acorn!"

"You're doing too much to defend a woman who wants nothing to do with you," Larry said. "Leave Ilia alone. Don't talk about Tamantha. Don't take Tamantha's side. If you continue treating Ilia so badly, you'll pay for it."

"Ilia's not holding onto me anymore," Wade said. "Follow me if you're brave enough, and we'll fight over Tamantha."

""Follow"?" Larry laughed. "No, I'll walk right next to you, side by side."

The twin brothers left together, leaving Dark Patrisha with a golden opportunity. She turned to leave, but felt Ilia grab her wrist.

"All this fighting is because of you," Ilia snapped. "Stay where you are."

"I'm not sticking hereaboot anymore," Dark Patrisha said. "I don't wanna. Yeh might be a Supernatural Hunter, but I bet yeh've never chased a Werewolf before. I can scapa away faster."

Dark Patrisha tracked Dark Pit's scent and used her super speed to head in that direction.

"I just can't believe any of this," Ilia wailed. "I don't know what to say."

She tried to run after Dark Patrisha.

-POINTLESS SCENE TRANSITION-

(With Everyone Else)

The group searched for Dark Patrisha and heard her calling for her friends.

"Kuro?!" Dark Patrisha called. "Yami?! Pat?! Link?! Shan?! Zelda?! Pit?! Where are yeh?"

Dark Pit blew a Werewolf Whistle that Dark Patrisha had given him and heard her coming closer. He blew into it again and Dark Patrisha came out of the forest and hugged her group. Pit tried to stay out of it, as he wasn't too fond of Dark Patrisha. He still cared for her, he just didn't like her.

"Let's get back to the campsite," Dark Zelda said. "None of us are humans, so the Supernatural Hunters will see us as goldmines."

They all agreed and headed back to where the campsite was. Dark Pit, however, stopped Dark Patrisha to talk to her.

"If you ever tell anyone I said any of that to you," Dark Pit warned. "I'll kick your ass so hard, you'll have to sit on your eyes."

"My lips are sealed," Dark Pat replied.

Dark Pit nodded and they ran to catch up to the group. When everyone got back to the campsite, they were all ready to go to sleep. They got comfortable and immediately fell asleep.

-POINTLESS SCENE TRANSITION-

(The Next Morning)

Patrisha woke up first and began to simply sing with the birds that flew by.

 _ **kimi to nagameteta**_

 _ **hoshi o atsumeta mado ni**_

 _ **utsushiteta**_

 _ **mata yubiori kazoeta**_

 _ **toki o kasaneta yoru ni**_

 _ **toikaketa**_

 _ **toki o tometa**_

 _ **suki dayo to ieba hagurakashita**_

 _ **kigatsukanai furi wa**_

 _ **mou yamete**_

 _ **tonari ni iru toki**_

 _ **watashi no kidou wa itsumo**_

 _ **shuukyokusei**_

 _ **toremoro mitai ni**_

 _ **namiutsu shikou no kakudo**_

 _ **tsukamenai kimi o oeba**_

 _ **nanika o ushinatteshimaisou na**_

 _ **omoi ukabe fune o dasu**_

 _ **dakishimete deawanakereba koko**_

 _ **uketomete denebora o tobikoeyuku wa**_

 _ **wagamama na saisa kimi no you da ne**_

 _ **oikakete ukabu panorama**_

 _ **gosen no ue de nagareboshi**_

 _ **ima utau kara terashite yo ne SuPiKa**_

 _ **waratteitai yo hitori wa iya da yo**_

 _ **kotae ga kikitai kowakute kikenai**_

 _ **yoru o ikutsu mo sugoshite**_

 _ **mirai e tsunagu no**_

 _ **matataku hoshi o yoke sagashiteta**_

 _ **shinwa wa dare no mikata na no**_

 _ **tameiki de ochikondeita gogo**_

 _ **omou dake kimi no na o hitori tsubuyaku wa**_

 _ **asahaka na ai ja todokanai yo ne**_

 _ **aitakute piano kanadeta oto**_

 _ **kurushikute afuredasu**_

 _ **yoinjoujou kimi ni todoke**_

 _ **dakishimete deawanakereba koko**_

 _ **uketomete denebora o tobikoeyuku wa**_

 _ **wagamama na saisa kimi no you da ne**_

 _ **oikakete ukabu panorama**_

 _ **gosen no ue de nagareboshi**_

 _ **ima utau kara terashite yo ne SuPiKa**_

The birds tweeted along to her song. When she finished the birds offered her a worm to eat. Patrisha politely declined and went into the forest with her Angel Bow in hand to catch some breakfast. Link woke up next and noticed that he was spooning with Zelda.

He carefully got his arms off of her and then noticed that Patrisha was gone and became worried. He sniffed out her signature Morning Magic Perfume and followed the scent. He quickly found Patrisha hunting for food and sighed with relief that she was okay.

Patrisha hears Link sigh and thinks it's someone stalking her and points her bow at the bush. Link popped up out of the bush with a smile on his face.

"Hey," he teased. "Don't shoot me, officer! I'm not a black Smashtopican!"

"Link," Patrisha giggled. "Now we just offended the entire black community that reads this."

Link shrugged.

"ZelinkSupporter is a black Smashtopican," Link said. "So I think I can say that and be okay. She's our boss, after all."

Patrisha gave it some thought before nodding in agreement.

"I guess that makes since," she agreed. "And we get a pretty good paycheck for agreeing to come back and work for her again."

Link nodded in agreement.

"Yep," Link said. "Now, what are you looking for?"

"Something to eat," Patrisha said. "I have to find something before everyone wakes up."

"Oh," Link said. "Well, I can help look. It'll be a nice way for me to become even closer to my cousin."

"Alright," Patrisha said. "I guess we can make our unhealthy bond even worse."

They laughed at that and went off together until they found a place full of fairies. They saw the sign naming the town and saw they were in Redwater. The town gave them the amount of food recommended by the food pyramid.

Link and Patrisha walked back, talking about Redwater possibly having a magic ring. Fairies _**WERE**_ magical creatures after all, so they could probably get one from them. They arrived back at the campsite to see everyone was still asleep.

Link and Patrisha worked together on breakfast, making Lemon Scrambled Eggs and Vanilla and Mango Toast for everyone. The scent woke Pit up almost instantly. He loved food, and was willing to be the "taste tester" as he put it.

"You're just trying to get first bits again," Link said.

"Maybe…" Pit replied. "I don't care! If it works, I'm gonna use it! I'm an angel! And this is how we get stuff done!"

"No," Link argued. "That's how scavengers get things done. Are you a buzzard, Pit?"

"Now, now," Patrisha laughed. "I think we can all agree that Pit's not a buzzard. Though I have seen him eat some questionable things off the ground…"

"Floor ice cream gives you extra health!" Pit snapped.

The trio laughed and Link and Patrisha let Pit help them with breakfast. Link felt like such a third wheel. Pit and Patrisha were dating and talking about crazy times from those dates, and all Link could do was sit there and smile and nod.

He hated not knowing information. Patrisha thought he took it personal, but Link denied this. He knew it was true though. If Link didn't know the information his friends did, he wouldn't bother adding to the conversation unless directly spoken to.

"Link," Pit said. "You okay? You seem… upset."

"I'm fine, Pit," Link snapped. "Just… I'm gonna wake up everyone."

Link pulled out a Cleilf Trumpet and blew into it. Everyone who was sleeping groaned in annoyance before sitting up.

"What time is it?" Dark Pit asked, tired.

Dark Patrisha noticed that she was sitting on Dark Pit's lap and blushed. Dark Pit either didn't notice or didn't care because he scratched Dark Patrisha behind the ear before standing up. Dark Patrisha fell off his lap and onto the ground.

"How insulting," Dark Patrisha snapped.

Dark Pit looked down at her, confused, before going to get breakfast. Dark Patrisha became upset with him for the rest of the morning. He tried talking to her, but she would do something that Dark Pit couldn't stand.

Dark Patrisha would brush him off. While it did hurt Dark Pit, he easily fooled the group by pretending he didn't care. Dark Link knew why Dark Patrisha was mad, and it had nothing to with him knocking her to the ground.

"So?" Dark Pit said, finishing his Lemon Scrambled Eggs. "How much longer do we have to travel to find this magic ring?"

"Pat and I found Redwater," Link said. "It's where we got all the food."

"Redwater?" Zelda gasped. "The town said to be only of fairies?"

"Yep," Patrisha smiled. "Fairies _**ARE**_ magical creatures, so they might possibly have a magic ring somewhere."

"Well," Dark Link asked. "How are we gonna get the magic ring from anyone? They're not exactly gonna just hand it over."

"We'll talk to a Love Fairy," Dark Zelda suggested. "She'll want to get it for Link and Zelda and try to convince the other fairies to accept it."

"…What about a plan B?" Dark Pit asked. "Y'know… just in case this plan doesn't work."

"We don't need a plan B, Kuro," Dark Zelda argued.

"I thought of one," Dark Link said. "Just in case we _**DO**_ need one."

"What is it, Yami?" Dark Patrisha asked.

"We'll stick to the original plan," Dark Link said. "And if that fails, we'll activate Shan's plan."

Dark Zelda scoffed at Dark Link siding with Dark Patrisha.

-POINTLESS SCENE TRANSITION-

(After Breakfast)

As they were walking through the forest, Dark Zelda and Dark Link lagged behind to talk.

"I don't understand why it's such a big deal to you," Dark Zelda said.

"What do you mean?" Dark Link asked. "She's my cousin. I thought she was your BFF."

"Yami," Dark Zelda said. "Why don't you stop worrying about _**HER**_ so much and start thinking about how you unhealthy relationship with Tamantha is affecting me!"

Her voice shook as she spoke and she was scared if she said any more, she would start crying.

"It's like you care about her happiness more than you care about mine!" Dark Zelda snapped.

She stormed on ahead to catch up with the group. Dark Link didn't know where the sudden jealousy came from and ran to catch up.

-POINTLESS SCENE TRANSITION-

(Redwater)

The group had arrived in Redwater and the fairies were very welcoming. Link announced that they needed their magic ring so he could happily get married.

"That falls under the decision of our Love Fairy," said Miss Kiki Cutelight.

"Alright," Pit said. "Who do we talk to for that?"

"Me," said the Love Fairy. "Hi there. My name is Kyu."

Kyu had a slender physique, with curved hips and small breasts. She had green eyes that contrast her pink, pig-tailed hair which extended to just above her shoulders. Her hair also had two decorative silver antennae.

Her outfit consisted of a pink and white baby-doll lingerie with light-pink panties that had a purple butterfly shape attached to the front of them. She wore a white collared necklace with a pink choker top that has a red heart shape on the front of it.

She had large, butterfly-like, translucent fairy wings that were patterned in pink, wore light pink stockings which covered the lower parts of her thighs, and wore purple ballerina shoes.

"Kyu?" Pit asked. "You mean, like, the letter?"

"Nope," Kyu answered. "Not like that at all."

"Oh…" Pit said.

"Because you're an _**IDIOT**_ ," Dark Pit said. "I advise you let everyone else do all the talking."

"Whatever," Pit replied.

Zelda walked over to Kyu and cleared her throat.

"I'm sorry about Pit," she said. "He can be a little… thick. Link and I wanna get married, but we don't have the approval from his parents. We need a magic ring in order for them to even _**CONSIDER**_ saying yes."

"Well," Kyu said. "I'll let you guys have the Magic Ring, on one condition only."

The group exchanged glances with each other before looking back at Kyu.

"What's the condition?" Dark Zelda asked.

"I wanna talk to the smexy Dark Angel for a bit," Kyu smiled.

"What?" Dark Pit asked. "Why?"

"I just wanna talk for a moment," Kyu answered. "It'll be real quick."

"Fine," Dark Pit said. "But only because I want my $1.7 million after all this."

Kyu took Dark Pit by the hand and guided him away from the rest of his group. He didn't approve of his hand being held and snatched it away from her.

"Let's make one thing clear," he snapped. "There will be no touching from you to me. Got it?!"

"Alright," Kyu agreed, unfazed by his rage. "Have it your way, kid. This isn't Burger King."

Dark Pit gave her a confused look.

"What the hell is Burger King?" he asked.

"I dunno," Kyu replied. "ZelinkSupporter thought it was appropriate for the time being."

Dark Pit sighed in annoyance.

"ZelinkSupporter should really not include things from her universe," he said.

"Yeah," Kyu said. "But, that's not what I called you for."

Dark Pit gave her a look.

"What do you want?" he asked.

"I wanna help you out with your lady," Kyu smiled. "That cute Goth Chick that you were holding hands with. And before you try to deny it, I saw it. You reached over and grabbed her hand. She accepted the offer."

Dark Pit rolled his eyes and sighed.

"Why do you want to help me?" he snapped. "What's in it for you?"

"Can't a fairy just help a brother out?" Kyu replied. "We need to get started right away. Tell me, how many dates _**HAVE**_ you been on?"

"I've been on 27 dates with 3 different women," Dark Pit answered.

"Oh my god," Kyu said. "It's better than I thought, isn't it?"

"Hmph," Dark Pit said. "I thought this was supposed to be about Link and Zelda."

"Oh yeah," Kyu said. "It is. Let's cut to them."

-POINTLESS SCENE TRANSITION-

(With Link and Zelda)

Link and Zelda were being led by the fairies through the town. The fairies were so friendly and so welcoming towards the group. Link and Zelda couldn't say no to any of their kindness.

"We just need to borrow the magic ring," Link said.

"No," said Miss Lily Gigglemeadow. "Stay for a while."

"That's not the plan," Zelda replied. "We just came to borrow your magic ring."

Okay, so maybe they _**COULD**_ say no to them. They weren't here for the pampering. They were here for the magic ring. The fairies brought them to their queen, Theiatena Venus. Theiatena wore a red and white robe with pure golden bracelets and laces, reminiscent of Greco-Roman apparel.

Her hair was mint green and fell to her thighs. It was accessorized with a laurel wreath made of gold. Theiatena was buxom and sported a very curvaceous hourglass figure, with large breasts and wide hips.

"Who have you brought today?" Theiatena asked. "A Hylian princess and a Hylian-Werepire?"

"Yes ma'am," said Miss Sunny Lightglimmer. "They request to borrow our magic ring."

"You are all dismissed," Theiatena said. "I'll handle this myself."

The fairies bowed before their queen and left. The queen looked Link and Zelda over. She smiled at them.

"Well, I'll let you have our magic ring," she said. "But first, you have to do something for me."

"What would that be?" Zelda asked.

"I get to see Patrisha Avalon-Tellesco perform," she said.

"That's it?" Link asked. "There isn't anything more?"

"I've never been to a Patrisha Avalon-Tellesco performance," Theiatena said. "I will get one tonight."

-POINTLESS SCENE TRANSITION-

(With Pit and Patrisha)

Pit and Patrisha were making out at the center of the town square. They didn't even care that the fairies were taking Patrisha's picture. They only pulled away for air and went right back to making out. They were interrupted by Link and Zelda tapping them on the shoulder.

They unwillingly pulled away and Patrisha looked at Link.

"This better be good, Lincoln," Patrisha snapped. "I was kinda busy here."

Patrisha only called him "Lincoln" when she was frustrated or annoyed with him.

"The only way we can get the magic ring is if you perform tonight," Link replied. "And it's _**LINK**_!"

"Fine," Patrisha said. "I'll do it, but only because I have a new song that needs to be heard. Now, if you excuse me, I wanna get back to my man."

Patrisha pulled Pit back in for more, and he gladly accepted. Link and Zelda shrugged and returned to the queen.

-POINTLESS SCENE TRANSITION-

(Throne Room)

"Well?" asked the queen. "Will she do it?"

"Yes, Your Highness," Zelda asked. "She will."

"Alright," Theiatena smiled. "I can't wait. It better be good, or no magic ring."

"Don't worry," Link said. "Patrisha wrote a new song to perform today."

"Tell me what is the song about?" Theiatena asked.

"The song takes place in a world full of fads," Link said. "Patrisha questions why we have all of these when we can help each other out instead."

Theiatena became excited and beamed.

"It sounds great!" she said. "I can't wait for me to be in the front row as she sings it."

-POINTLESS SCENE TRANSITION-

(Later That Day)

Link was chilling with Dark Link, Dark Patrisha, and Patrisha, watching "Humanoid Adventures" when Zelda walked in. She took Link by the hand and brought him to her room. Link was confused by her actions.

"Shh," Zelda said, closing Link's eyes. "I have a surprise for you."

Link kept his eyes closed, wondering what Zelda could have for him. He heard clothes being swapped, so he knew it was going to be something "sexy". He just waited patiently for Zelda to say something.

"Okay," Zelda said. "Open your eyes… now."

Link obeyed and saw Zelda in a purple and gold bikini with a long skirt-like garment attached to the back. She had a kitty smile on her face and a kind of glint in her eyes. Seduction was what Zelda did best, moving into Link's personal space with just the right look of heat in her eyes.

She didn't just look at a man. She looked into him as if she knew his desires. With the kiss came the smooth touch of her body, poised, just the right blend of relaxation and tension. There was a connection between "beauty" and "love," but not in the way advertisers would have them believe.

They had a form of beauty that was merely aesthetic, something that could inspire lust. A thin replica of love based more on desire and conquest. What they claimed to bestow they cannot, for real beauty came from within.

And it was only that form of beauty that can make lasting love connections. True love was a unity of souls. Not facial features and products that will be wiped clean away come the evening time.

If they truly wished to be happy and content with who they were, they needed to find real beauty in themselves and those who share their lives. Finding it begun with a quiet understanding of one other, not demanding perfection but seeking the beauty every Smashtopican held within.

To Link, there was nothing more bewitching than Zelda's naked form. In clothing no heads turn her way to admire. They didn't know what they were missing and Link was glad. Maotune can keep its supermodels, anorexic looking as they were.

Zelda was soft and her breasts so warm, so responsive to the touch. As soon as his hand was upon them, her kisses change, deeper, more sensual. Link couldn't imagine anyone with implants can respond like that.

Everything about her was natural and he loved it. He loved her too, everything that she was. He didn't need eye candy to make the guys jealous. He needed a soulmate to keep him warm at night and that she will always be.

-POINTLESS SCENE TRANSITION-

(Patrisha's Concert)

The fairies and the queen were excited to see their first Patrisha Avalon-Tellesco Concert. The queen got the best seat with her fairies surrounding her. Patrisha was getting ready backstage and then walked onto the stage to a cheering crowd. She turned on her headphones and began to sing.

 _ **kyoumi no nai dairekuto meeru toka**_

 _ **tabeoeta gamu no akibotoru toka**_

 _ **kazede hone no oreta biniiru kasa toka**_

 _ **yukani ochita waribashi toka**_

 _ **detekonai hitotsubu no koon toka**_

 _ **karappo no ookina suisou toka**_

 _ **denchi no kireta sumaatofon toka**_

 _ **mitsukaranai mokuteki toka**_

 _ **sekai niwa tohou mo nai kazuno monoga afurete ite**_

 _ **ima kono toki**_

 _ **nanika ga umare tsudzukete irunda**_

 _ **tarinai monowa nan desuka?**_

 _ **hontou ni hitsuyou na mono desuka?**_

 _ **sorewa chanto ashita mo tsukaeru no desuka?**_

 _ **Itsudatte, itsudatte bokurano konote niwa**_

 _ **imino nai mono ga nigirarete irunda**_

 _ **sentaku kanousei no hanashi toka**_

 _ **sakino mienai mirai no hanashi toka**_

 _ **nageku dakede nakami no nai kotoba toka**_

 _ **tohou mo nai yume datoka**_

 _ **teno todokanai hoshi no umi datoka**_

 _ **kataru dakede no suteki na risou toka**_

 _ **irutomo shirenu chitekiseimei toka**_

 _ **oshitsubu shita kanjou toka**_

 _ **bokutachi wa mugen ni hirogaru monono umi tadayotte iru**_

 _ **ima kono toki nimo**_

 _ **nanikaga kachi o nakushite irunda**_

 _ **tarinai monowa nan desuka?**_

 _ **hontou ni hitsuyou na mono desuka?**_

 _ **sorede minna shiawase ni nareru no desuka?**_

 _ **bokura no tewa kachi aru mono o tsukamu tameni**_

 _ **tada itsumo koko ni sonzai shite irunda**_

 _ **tarinai monowa nan desuka?**_

 _ **hontou ni hitsuyou na mono desuka?**_

 _ **sorewa chanto ashita mo tsukaeru no desuka?**_

 _ **Itsudatte, itsudatte bokurano konote niwa**_

 _ **imino nai mono ga nigirarete irunda**_

 _ **tarinai monowa nan desuka?**_

 _ **hontou ni hitsuyou na mono desuka?**_

 _ **sorede minna shiawase ni nareru no desuka?**_

 _ **bokura no tewa kachi aru mono o tsukamu tameni**_

 _ **tada itsumo koko ni sonzai shite irunda**_

The queen applauded crazier than everyone else. She was just so excited to have seen a Patrisha Avalon-Tellesco Concert. The fairies were applauding as well, but not as excited as their queen. As much as they liked the song, they didn't think it was Patrisha's best.

They wouldn't dare voice this to their queen, however. They didn't want to be banished. Patrisha walked off stage and she went to the guest house. When she arrived, Pit jumped into her arms in the bridal position.

"I missed my lady," he said. "What took you so long?"

"I had to perform for the queen," Patrisha said. "But I'm back now."

Pit smiled and nuzzled into Patrisha's large, E-cup sized chest.

"Where's Kuro?" Patrisha asked, putting him down. "And Tamantha?"

"They're at Dream Land on their first date," Pit answered. "Shan and Yami are at Emerald Falls on a date as well. And Link and Zelda are still in their bedroom doing what kinda sounds like weight lifting or something. I don't know."

Patrisha gave him a confused look. Pit smiled at her and she ruffled his hair. She forgot how innocent and stupid he was because he hadn't acted like that for a while. Besides, Patrisha was more concerned at the fact that Dark Pit asked Dark Patrisha on a date.

"Kuro… and my half-twin sister?" Patrisha asked. "On a _**DATE**_?"

"Yep," Pit nodded. "Kuro asked her on a date and she shyly agreed."

"I see," Patrisha said. "Well… I wonder what's on TV."

"TV!" Pit said, excited. "I wanna watch TV!"

They sat together on the couch and turned on their favorite show, "Top 10s".

"Welcome to Top 10s," said the announcer. "I'm Kaliyah Wiseman, and today, we're going over the Top 10 Movies Lincoln "Link" Avalon has Starred in. These were movies voted by the public, so it's not up to us."

-POINTLESS SCENE TRANSITION-

(The Next Morning)

Link woke up after a great night with Zelda. It was their first time, but Zelda was on birth control and they did use condoms. He hoped the whole house heard them. The entire town of Redwater, even. That would've been better.

"Are you awake, Link?" Zelda asked, yawning.

"Yeah," Link answered, sitting up. "I've been up for about 5 minutes."

"I know there's no need for words after last night," Zelda said. "But I love you, Lincoln "Link" Avalon."

Link smiled and chuckled.

"I love you, too, Princess Zelda Harkinian," Link replied. "And I hope we can get that magic ring."

"Me, too," Zelda agreed. "We gave Theiatena what she wanted, so she should give us what we requested in return."

"Something tells me it's not gonna be that easy," Link sighed.

-POINTLESS SCENE TRANSITION-

(With Patrisha)

Patrisha was making breakfast for everyone when there was a knock on the door. She went over to it and looked through the peephole and saw Theiatena herself. Patrisha ran to turn off the stove and let her in.

"Theiatena," Patrisha smiled. "To what do I owe this… unexpected visit?"

"I want you to perform another song for me," she said. "I wanna see "World is Mine"."

"What?" Patrisha snapped. "That wasn't the deal! We had a _**DEAL**_!"

"I'm the Queen of Redwater," Theiatena snapped. "You will do as I say, or no magic ring!"

Patrisha immediately became suspicious.

"You've _**GOT**_ to be joking," she said. "Do you _**REALLY**_ have a magic ring, or are you just keeping us here so you can force me to perform?"

"You little nothing!" Theiatena snapped. "How dare you!"

Patrisha laughed humorlessly.

"Oh, I dare, "Your Highness"," she retorted. "I dare."

Theiatena became angry at Patrisha. She thought that Patrisha was more than an arrogant, narcissistic pop star. Patrisha, on the other hand, was seriously doubting that the fairies had a magic ring. As a result, Patrisha refused to perform.

"You either don't _**HAVE**_ a magic ring," Patrisha said. "Or you just don't wanna part with it and are using us."

"I don't even…" Theiatena stammered. "That's just so… um…We have one!"

"I'm so sure," Patrisha said, sarcastic. "I'm as sure that you don't have a magic ring as I am about not performing for you."

"Your disregard for your fans is just astounding," Theiatena replied. "Could you be any more narcissistic?"

Patrisha looked at Theiatena like she had grown two heads.

"I'm not a narcissist," Patrisha said. "I know that for a fact. The old me in older videos was, but I'm not."

"Oh, please," Theiatena spat. "You're as likeable now as you were then."

Patrisha stood up from the couch and walked back to the kitchen to continue breakfast. Theiatena would not be ignored so easily and followed her.

"You will perform for me tonight!" she snapped. "Or else–"

""Or else" what?" Patrisha replied. "I don't see how you could hurt me at all. This story isn't even supposed to be about me. It's supposed to be about my eldest cousin and the Princess of Hyrule."

"Or else, I'll order your group dead," Theiatena snapped.

"Oh, sure," Patrisha sighed. "Ignore the main plot of the story."

"Well, it was supposed to cut to Link and Zelda making out," Theiatena said. "But I guess ZelinkSupporter couldn't part from this scene."

-POINTLESS SCENE TRANSITION-

(With Link and Zelda)

Link and Zelda were in the fields of Redwater, making out, when four fairy guards bursted through the trees. They pulled apart immediately and were grabbed by two of the guards each.

"What are you doing?!" Link snapped. "Unhand me, you bastards!"

"We are under strict orders from Lady Venus," said a guard. "Bring you to the guillotine and have you killed."

"What?!" Zelda wailed. "But we haven't done anything wrong!"

The guards dragged a squirming Link and a screaming Princess Zelda to the town square. Link and Zelda saw that their entire group was there, being held back by a guard, except for Patrisha. Patrisha was tied up to a pole on top of a stage of some sort, unconscious, with a fire beneath her feet.

The fairies were going to burn her alive.

"My cousin!" Link yelled, concerned. "What are you gonna do to her?!"

"What the queen says," answered a guard. "She wants Patrisha to have the worst death possible."

"But why?" Zelda asked. "What has she done?"

Even though Zelda wasn't too fond of Patrisha, she said that if anyone was going to get rid of Patrisha, it would be Zelda herself. This enraged her to see that they were doing this to _**HER**_ rival.

"We _**HAVE**_ to stop them," Zelda said. " _ **I'M**_ the one who is gonna destroy Patrisha."

"Yeah," Link replied. "That's just about the sickest thing I've ever heard. But I do agree that we have to save her."

The queen told the guards holding Pit to bring him closer. The Light Angel was squirming as he was brought forward to Theiatena, who smirked at him. She caressed his face, realizing then just how cute Pit was.

She didn't want to kill him. She wanted to marry him, but he was a bit too young for that right now. She would have to wait a little longer. Then, he would be ripe for the picking. She would make him watch Patrisha die, but first, she wanted to taste what Patrisha was always tasting.

"You're very adorable, Pit," she said. "I won't kill you. Fairies of Redwater! I name Pit Jones my King."

"What?!" Pit replied, shocked.

He always thought he would hear Patrisha say that about the Werepires one day. He was loyal to Patrisha. He didn't have any interest in Theiatena and decided to make it known by everyone.

"I reject you," Pit said. "I love Patrisha, and I always will."

The queen sat down on her throne and chuckled humorlessly.

"Turn up the heat, boys!" she ordered.

Two male fairies poured more gasoline onto the flames surrounding Patrisha's feet. The flames shot up the back of the pole and was coming down to where Patrisha was tied up.

" _ **WHAT ARE YOU DOING**_?!" Pit wailed, concerned.

"I'm getting rid of the one in my way," Theiatena said. "She wouldn't perform for me, so I have to do all this."

"Are you _**SERIOUS**_?!" asked Kyu. " _ **THAT'S**_ your motive?! Just because the Werepire didn't feel like singing for you again, you kill her and then everyone that matters to her?"

"Kyu," Theiatena snapped. "As your queen, I order you to be silent."

"I'm sorry," Kyu replied. "But that's… dumb. That's a reason I personally can't kill these non-fairies."

Kyu ran to Patrisha, who was still unconscious, and went to put out the flames. Theiatena wouldn't let that happen.

"Guards!" she ordered. "Stop her immediately!"

The guards, not wanting this to happen to them, obeyed and grabbed Kyu. The flames were getting closer and closer to Patrisha, but she just wouldn't wake up. Zelda and Link are able to escape the guards and were able to sneak away.

When they were far enough, Link called for his horse, Epona, who instantly ran to him. Link got on and helped Zelda get on as well. Theiatena heard the horse whinny and looked over.

"You _**IDIOTS**_!" she snapped. "You let them go! After them! Now!"

The guards went after Link and Zelda while other guards hooked Dark Link up to the guillotine. He was sure that he was going to die. However, when the flames started on Patrisha's clothes, that was when she woke up.

She screamed at the fire surrounding her and quickly realized that the ropes were burned in half and broke free. She attacked the guards guarding her and successfully got away from the fire. She saw Kyu arguing with Theiatena and used this to subdue the other guards.

She knocked out the other guards with her Werepire Bite and was able to free Dark Link from losing his head just in time. They then all ran away from Redwater, Dark Link and Dark Zelda riding Dark Epona, Dark Pit and Dark Patrisha riding Phos, and Pit and Patrisha riding Lux.

-POINTLESS SCENE TRANSITION-

(With Link and Zelda)

Link and Zelda were fleeing in fear from the guards who were closing in on them. They ended up at The Ravine and Epona refused to go any further. As a result, Link and Zelda got off Epona and used Link's Longshot to cross.

Epona, not wanting to be without Link, successfully jumped across the gap and got Link and Zelda back on her back. The horse ran away, trying to keep Link and Zelda safe from the guards. They heard familiar whinnies and Link and Zelda turned around.

They saw their whole group surrounding them on their horses.

"Guys," Link said, beaming. "How'd you escape?"

"Kyu distracted Theiatena," Dark Zelda said.

"That," Dark Link said. "And Patrisha subdued the guards holding us."

Link looked over to see his cousin in between Pit and the reins of Lux. She was passed out again, leaning against Pit, who was holding the reins to Lux.

"I'm glad you're all okay," Link said.

"I'm glad, too," Dark Link smiled. "I got my back with my brother and I didn't lose my head."

"Sorry we abandoned you guys," Zelda said.

"Fuck you for that," Dark Pit snapped. "We would've been dead if it wasn't for Patrisha."

Zelda's jealousy of Patrisha grew at that moment, but Dark Pit was stating the truth. She and Link made no effort to save them. Patrisha probably subdued every guard on her own and Zelda and Link were just running away.

-POINTLESS SCENE TRANSITION-

(Later That Same Evening)

They were back in the Sacred Forest and the boys were pulling along the horses by the reins with the girls sitting on the saddles.

"Kuro," Dark Patrisha said. "I wanna hunt. I'm hungry for flesh."

"Alright," Dark Pit said. "The carnivores can go hunting while the omnivores set up camp. This seems like a good spot to stop anyways."

Link took Dark Link, Patrisha, and Dark Patrisha deep in between trees to hunt for some food for them while everyone else set up camp. There was enough room for their horses to stand comfortably while they made the fire.

Pit and Zelda went fishing at the nearby river while Dark Pit set up camp and Dark Zelda tended to the horses. Pit and Zelda had a close friendship, and Link had no reason to be jealous of it. Link wasn't a jealous Smashtopican anyways.

Dark Pit and Dark Zelda, on the other hand, had never spent one-on-one time together and felt too awkward to start a conversation. They didn't know anything about each other, so they didn't bother to start a conversation.

Dark Zelda _**WANTED**_ to start a friendship with Dark Pit, but she didn't know what to say. So, she said something that she knew he would respond to.

"So," she said. "How's Tamantha holding up?"

Dark Pit looked at her like she had four arms. He didn't think Dark Zelda cared. Then again, Dark Patrisha considered Dark Zelda to be a friend. He didn't know if Dark Zelda felt the same.

"She's been alright, I think," he replied. "She hasn't talked about the… issues, but I don't wanna bring them up to open her old wounds."

"I didn't think you cared that much," Dark Zelda said.

"Of course I do!" Dark Pit snapped. "She's my best friend."

Dark Zelda knew she hit a raw nerve, but changed the subject to calm him down.

"Well," Dark Zelda said. "I just meant that you're so calm and collected all the time that I didn't think you had emotions."

Dark Pit made a great fire. He was upset with Dark Zelda, who was trending on very thin ice right now. He didn't bother warning her since Dark Zelda was too scared to say anything more. She instantly regretted saying what she did, but Dark Pit wasn't mad about that statement.

"I guess I do come across like that, huh?" he chuckled. "I don't mean to. It's just how I am."

"I see," Dark Zelda said, relieved that she didn't upset him. "Is there any particular reason?"

"I'm often feeling miserable or borderline depressed," Dark Pit answered. "Despite this, I remain calm and collected to temporarily escape or mask the general misery."

"Oh…" Dark Zelda said. "Well, what happened to you? Why are you going through so much? If you don't mind me asking of course."

She wanted to learn more about Dark Pit before he decided to end the conversation.

"I had a horrible childhood," Dark Pit answered. "Discriminatory, psychological, organizational, neglect and acts of omission, and physical abuse were common. It would happen every day for the centuries I've been around."

"I see," Dark Zelda said, feeling bad. "I'm sorry to hear that."

Dark Pit chuckled.

"I don't want your sympathy," he teased. "I just want someone to understand."

"Why don't you tell me," Dark Zelda suggested. "And I'll try to understand."

"Why would I do that?" Dark Pit asked.

"I thought you would wanna let out all your depressive thoughts," Dark Zelda answered.

"Why would you think that?" Dark Pit chuckled. "I barely even know you."

"We've been next-door neighbors for 13 years," Dark Zelda said. "We might as well get to know each other."

Dark Pit chuckled.

"Sure," Dark Pit replied. "That makes since, but I'm not telling you my life story. Tappy and Yami are the only ones I've told, Shan."

This was true. While they were neighbors, they never really talked one-on-one before. Not since they were in elementary school anyways. They just stopped after Dark Pit was arrested for armed robbery in fifth grade.

Then, Dark Pit joined the Greaser Clique for a short amount of time, which strained their relationship even more. He left the Greaser Clique because he refused to put grease in his hair and became his own clique.

He hung out with Marth Fire, Ike Emblem, and Roy Fabito. He left them and got back into hanging out with Dark Link, who introduced him to Dark Patrisha. Dark Link was really the only reason Dark Pit and Dark Zelda would be seen together.

That and rumors were all she heard about Dark Pit. One rumor was confirmed, however. Dark Pit was the King of the School. The Cliques worshiped him, and their leaders were obsessed with trying to get his attention.

Dark Pit, however, was a loner, and only wanted Dark Patrisha's and/or Dark Link's company. Dark Zelda wondered why Dark Pit committed crimes, but she knew she wouldn't get an answer. Dark Pit clearly wasn't in the mood to continue that conversation.

"I got the fire ready," Dark Pit said. "How are the horses?"

"They're asleep," Dark Zelda said. "Fed and ready for bed."

Pit and Zelda came back with enough fish to last them a few weeks. They set the fish up ready to cook. That's when the twins came back. They sat down in front of the fire and Link and Dark Link began licking the blood off of Patrisha and Dark Patrisha respectively.

Zelda looked over to see Link licking his cousin and became jealous. Sure, they were animals, but in the view of a Hylian, it was intimacy. It made Zelda even more jealous and even _**SICKER**_ when Patrisha started lick the blood off of Link.

To Zelda, they were enjoying it a little _**TOO**_ much and stomped over.

"Patrisha," she said. "Why are you licking your _**FIRST COUSIN**_?!"

Patrisha stopped cleaning up Link and looked at Zelda as if she had grown another head. Zelda was accusing Patrisha of incest. She didn't want her cousin in that way. She was just cleaning the blood off of him. Link looked over at Zelda and sighed.

"It's in the Werepire Tradition," he said. "Males clean the females, then said female returns the favor by cleaning him."

"Yeah, Zel," Patrisha said. "It's nothing romantic. Don't worry. I love Link, but I'm _**IN**_ love with Pit."

Pit looked up and smiled.

"Link is my first cousin," Patrisha said. "There's nothing going on."

"But…" Zelda said, searching for an argument. "Tamantha's not a Werepire! She's a Werewolf."

Dark Zelda stood up and placed her hand on Zelda's shoulder.

"Werewolves do it, too, Zel," she said. "Why don't you help Pit with the fish? It'll calm you down."

Zelda sighed and went to help Pit with cooking dinner. The Avalons went back to cleaning each other.

-POINTLESS SCENE TRANSITION-

(The Next Morning)

Everyone was on their horses discussing where they could find the magic ring, since the fairies didn't have one. They were discussing where to go next.

"Well, we're close to witch territory," Dark Zelda suggested.

"Witches and Werewolves don't get along, Shan," Dark Patrisha sighed.

"Right," Dark Zelda said. "I forgot about that."

"Anyways," Dark Pit said. "Witches wouldn't have a magic ring anyways. And they wouldn't give it to us if they did. They'd only give our souls to the Antichrist."

Everyone nodded in agreement and sighed. Then, suddenly they heard the guards horses thundering after them. Their horses knew right away to run and did just that. The guards were shooting arrows at them and they just continued to flee.

Pit called the Centurions and they kept the soldiers busy. Even though it wasn't for long, it was enough time for them to give them the guards the slip. They ended up in Link's old home from when he was poor, Ordon Village.

They rode in calmly like nothing happened and everyone was happy to see Link again. They were shocked to see Princess Zelda herself and bowed before her. Zelda told them to treat her as an equal, which the villagers hesitantly agreed.

There were two Ordon Villagers Link wanted to avoid. His ex-girlfriend, Ilia, and her father, Mayor Bo. They were the reason Link left the village in the first place. He didn't want to see them again. However, as luck would have it, Mayor Bo _**AND**_ Ilia both saw Link and his group ride in.

"Link!" Ilia said, running over to him and his group. "What are you doing back? I'm newly single and a Supernatural Hunter."

She didn't show any signs that she notice the Werewolf she was hunting was in the group. Either she didn't notice, or she didn't care right now. More importantly, no one in the village knew Link was half-Werepire.

Werepires were not wanted in the village, but Link was desperate for a home and got one on the outskirts of the village.

"Ilia," Link sighed. "Just move on already."

"I tried," Ilia explained. "But he left me for another woman. A Werewolf nonetheless."

"Well, I'm not interested in you," Link replied. "We went on 2 dates and that's it."

"Nonsense," Ilia snapped. "We went on 49 dates in my dreams. I knew you'd come back for me."

"Actually," Dark Link said. "We're just passing through."

Ilia gave Dark Link one look and was instantly smitten.

"Link…" she said, blushing. "You never told me you had a hot twin."

"Yami has a girlfriend," Link snapped.

"That's okay," Ilia smiled.

"Can we just be friends?" Dark Link asked.

"No way," Ilia snapped.

"We must be leaving," Dark Link said.

"Just stay!" Ilia demanded.

"We gotta go," Dark Link said. "I know we had our fun, but I'm afraid we have to run. Time for lying, stealing, taking. Our job is never done."

"But I love you!" Ilia cried. "We're gonna get married!"

"Uhh…" Dark Link replied. "No."

They caused their horses to trot through the village, and that's when Ilia noticed Dark Patrisha.

"I'm amazed you're still alive, lap dog," Ilia snapped. "No one wants you around."

"Look," Dark Patrisha replied. "It's Disdain! Aren't you dead yet?"

"How could disdain die when Werewolves are here?" Ilia snapped.

"When you're around," Patrisha retorted. "Even Lord Courtesy becomes Lord Disdain."

"That makes Lord Courtesy a traitor," Ilia countered. "All men love me, except your gorgeous cousins."

"My cousins are lucky, then," Dark Patrisha responded. "You would make a nasty wife."

"Well," Ilia said. "I hope you stay in that frame of mind or some poor man will end up with his face all scratched up."

"If he has a face like yours," she retorted. "A good scratching couldn't make him look any worse."

"Why don't you get the fuck out of Father's town?" Ilia snapped.

"Listen to you," Dark Patrisha scoffed. "Instructing me like a parrot would."

"I'd rather be a squawking bird than an animal like you," Ilia snapped.

"I wish my horse moved as fast as your mouth and was as tireless," she retorted.

"That's it," Ilia barked. "I'm done."

"You mortals always slip out of the argument like this," Dark Patrisha laughed. "I know you from before."

Dark Pit and Dark Patrisha rode off on Phos, catching up with their group, who had went into the forest. What they didn't know was that Ilia was readying her gun loaded with Silver Bullets. When she fired, however, she hit Mayor Bo.

She then vowed that she would avenge her father and kill Dark Patrisha and followed them into the forest. She didn't know where they were, but followed the freshly-made hoof prints on the ground.

"You did good, Tappy," Dark Pit said. "You stood up for yourself and didn't back down once."

Dark Patrisha smiled some and blushed.

"Well," she smiled. "You're toughness is rubbing off on me."

Dark Link ruffled Dark Patrisha's hair and smiled at her. He was proud of his little cousin for finally standing up for herself. He always hoped that Dark Patrisha would stop being such a submissive pushover, and he was so far getting his wish.

"I really am proud of you, Tamantha," Zelda said. "You usually don't fight your own battles."

"You did good," Link smiled. "And you actually won the argument."

The group continued glorifying Dark Patrisha as they wandered through the woods. They heard shooting from behind them. At first, they thought it was the guards again, but they saw Ilia on a horse, shooting silver bullets at them. Their horses didn't need to be told at all and ran with Ilia chasing them.

"She's trying to kill me!" Dark Patrisha wailed.

Dark Pit pulled out his Silver Bow and returned fire at Ilia as Dark Patrisha took the reins to guide the horse. Dark Pit was going to protect Dark Patrisha throughout this adventure. Not only did he promise her mother, but he promised himself that Dark Patrisha would return home safe.

They then heard the familiar screaming of the guards and their horses ran faster. Dark Pit called for the Forces of Nature, who immediately respond to the call and defended their commander. They attacked the guards and Ilia as Link and his group successfully escaped again.

-POINTLESS SCENE TRANSITION-

(Later That Same Evening)

The group was talking about what to do next with getting a magic ring. Dark Zelda then face palmed and everyone looked over at her.

"What?" Zelda asked. "What is it?"

"We could've bought a magic ring at The Shooting Star," Dark Zelda said.

"What?" Dark Pit asked. "You're just telling us this _**NOW**_?!"

"Sorry," Dark Zelda said. "I forgot about it."

Dark Pit looked at Dark Link, who silently gave him permission, and Dark Pit smacked Dark Zelda in the face.

" _ **OW**_!" Dark Zelda shrieked. "What was that for?"

"For being a moronic retard!" Dark Link snapped.

"We've been through _**SO**_ much on this journey!" Pit yelled. "And now we learned that this journey is completely _**POINTLESS**_!"

"It's even more pointless than our pointless scene transitions!" Patrisha yelled.

"Dammit, Shan!" Dark Link cried. "Why didn't you tell us _**BEFORE**_ we became wanted fugitives by the fairies?!"

"All Patrisha has to do is perform for Venus and we won't be wanted anymore," Dark Zelda said.

" _ **NOT**_ the point," Dark Pit snapped. "You should've told us about The Shooting Star earlier. None of us even knew it existed."

"And I'm not performing for Venus!" Patrisha snapped. " _ **EVER**_!"

Everyone verbally attacked Dark Zelda until they all became tired and fell asleep. Dark Zelda didn't want to hang out with this group anymore. She made one mistake and they all hated her more than Isis. Dark Zelda decided to go ahead of the group and walked off.

They wouldn't care anyways. They all hated her. Zelda sat up as Dark Zelda was leaving and followed her.

"Shan, we didn't mean it," she said. "We were just mad, that's all. I forgive you now, and everyone else will when they wake up."

"Yeah right," Dark Zelda snapped. "You _**ALL**_ yelled at me constantly for a whole hour about how stupid I was for not saying anything sooner. You all hate me, Yami broke up with me, and I'm not wanted here."

Zelda took Dark Zelda's hand.

"If you're leaving, I'm going with you," she said. "It's my fault that we're in this mess. I didn't need to get any of you involved in something Link and I should've done alone."

"You're trying to trick me!" Dark Zelda said.

"I don't know what you're talking about," Zelda replied. "I'm serious. I should be apologizing for dragging you all on this pointless adventure."

Dark Zelda considered this and knew it was true. She also knew, however, that they could've said no at any time. Link and Zelda would've been fine with that. Then again, staying with the group got Dark Zelda a larger paycheck.

"Wait, really?" Dark Zelda asked.

The reason is because there are less sets to spend money on and more money to give the cast members.

"Oh," Dark Zelda said. "Well, maybe if _**THAT'S**_ the case, we should stay with the rest of the group."

"Right," Zelda yawned. "Well, I'm going back to sleep now."

And Zelda rejoined the circle and went back to sleep. Dark Zelda did the same, getting back in her spot and falling asleep.

-POINTLESS SCENE TRANSITION-

(The Next Day)

The group had finally made it back to Smashville and got off their horses. The horses ran back home, undetected by the town. Dark Zelda was forgiven by the group when they woke up and she was leading them to The Shooting Star.

"We're almost there," Dark Zelda said. "It's just around the corner."

"You said that four times already," Dark Patrisha whimpered, panting.

"Tappy is getting tired," Dark Pit warned. "You better not have gotten us lost, Shan."

Dark Zelda shook her head.

"I know where I'm going," she snapped. "…I think."

"What do you mean you "think"?" Link asked.

After Link asked that question, they saw The Shooting Star. Dark Zelda looked at her group with pride and they all sighed with relief. The group walked into The Shooting Star and the shop owner was standing in the center of the place, as if expecting them.

"Come, come," he whispered. "This way."

He gestured to a magic ring, which is what they were looking for. It looked very expensive, but nothing that Link couldn't afford. All the gems were often quite popular, but they were all very uncommon gemstone species.

"How much?" Zelda asked.

"$30 thousand, normally," the man answered. "But for attractive Smashtopicans, only $30.00."

"As a whole?" Dark Pit asked. "Or $30.00 _**EACH**_?"

"You smart, dark angel," the man said. "$30.00 each."

They all pulled out $30.00 with a sigh. They didn't really want to, but they _**NEEDED**_ the magic ring. Then their trip wouldn't be a total waste of time.

"Okay," said the man, handing the ring to Zelda. "Here. Your ring."

"How long ago did this ring lose its power, you merchant?" Dark Pit interrogated.

"You very intelligent, Dark Angel," said the man. "Ring lost power centuries ago. About 5 centuries."

"The last thing my parents need is a magic ring that _**WORKS**_ ," Dark Link said. "Thank you, stereotypical Asian Shop Owner."

They left with their magic ring and now they _**FINALLY**_ could get to part two of the request. Zelda had to escape the abuse she's been through at the hands of her father.

-POINTLESS SCENE TRANSITION-

(Hyrule Castle)

"So…" Dark Zelda said. "One down, two to go. Are you ready to confront your Father, Zel?"

Zelda took a deep breath. She never thought she would do this, but she had to do it by herself. It felt like something she had to do on her own. Zelda went into the castle and walked into her father's office. He was a terrible king who took the credit for Zelda keeping the kingdom together.

"Zelda?!" he roared. "Where have you been?! You've been slacking off in your duties! My responsibilities are piling up! You're expected to take care of them!"

"Father," she squeaked.

Zelda took another deep breath. Fear was no option here. She had to let all the rage that she had against him come out.

"What is it, you little bitch?!" he snapped.

Zelda charged him and side kicked him to the ground. She then pulled out her Knightly Ironbark Dagger and stabbed her father 987 times. She was pulled off of the mutilated corpse by the guards and they saw what she had done.

"King Harkinian is dead," said Humfery the Grand. "You… you killed him, Princess."

"I didn't mean for it to end this way," Zelda said. "It was the result of years and years of abuse."

"Long live Hyrule's new leader," said Dandi the Harbinger. " _ **QUEEN**_ Zelda."

Zelda was astonished. They weren't mad that she killed the king? She couldn't help but wonder why.

"Aren't you gonna call the police?" Zelda asked. "Or have me thrown in the dungeon?"

"Not at all, Your Highness," answered Samm the Titan. "We didn't like him either."

Zelda nodded and decided to change her clothes. She went to her room and changed her clothes. She couldn't walk out in bloody clothes. Link would question what happened and become worried about her.

After changing, Zelda went outside and saw her friends playing cards, waiting for her patiently. She had to play it cool or else they'd know. She was pretty sure Dark Pit could figure it out easily, but the others, she didn't want to freak out Dark Patrisha.

Zelda knew how fragile Dark Patrisha was, and she didn't want to scare her. She would use that as a weapon if Dark Pit were to find out.

"Shan, got any sevens?" Link asked.

"Nope," Dark Zelda answered.

Link drew a card from the deck and sighed. Zelda cleared her throat, causing everyone to stop their card game. They turned to face her, waiting for the news.

"Well?" Dark Link asked. "Did you successfully get away?"

"Yeah," Zelda nodded. "I did."

Dark Patrisha smelled blood in the air, and the scent was all over Zelda.

"What's that smell?" she asked. "Yami? Link? Pat? Do you smell it?"

They started sniffing and also smelled blood in the air.

"Uhh…" Zelda replied. "It must be because none of us have showered in a while."

"While I do smell BO on all of us," Patrisha said. "I don't think that's it."

"It smells like blood," Dark Link agreed.

"We'll worry about that later," Link said. "All we have to do is let my parents know that Zelda has done everything they requested."

"Well," Dark Pit said. "I think I know what happened. Zelda found her father dead and is gonna be queen."

Dark Pit didn't know the _**TRUE**_ reason Zelda smelled like blood, but she smiled and nodded.

-POINTLESS SCENE TRANSITION-

(Mr. And Mrs. Avalon's House)

"…And Zelda was able to escape because someone hated him that much and killed him," Link explained.

"And that's how we got you your magic ring and how I escaped my abusive Father," Zelda said.

"Well," said Mrs. Opha Avalon. "We didn't expect you to accomplish this, but we are a couple of our word."

"Yes," agreed Mr. Eko Avalon. "You have our permission to marry our son."

"Thank you so much, Mr. and Mrs. Avalon," Zelda smiled. "Your son will be loved and cared for with me."

"Link better be," Opha warned. "He and Yami are my baby boys no matter how old they get. I want them to be safe."

"Shan and I will take good care of your sons," Zelda promised.

-POINTLESS SCENE TRANSITION-

(Hyrule Castle)

The guards welcomed Link, seeing how he was a childhood friend of Zelda, and knew that Link was moving in. The maids were taking Link's things to the Master Bedroom and the servants were planning their wedding.

Dark Link was their Man of Honor, Patrisha was the Maid of Honor, Dark Patrisha was the Best Woman, Dark Zelda was the bridesmaid, Pit was the Best Man, and Dark Pit was their ring bearer. They were also their VIP guests for this.

They wrote out all their friends as guests and Link's Parents as well. Even though they were no longer fond of Zelda, they wouldn't miss their son's wedding. Zelda and Link were making out in Zelda's room until their stuff was moved into the Master Bedroom.

They really needed some alone-time for now. They spend their whole adventure focusing on everything but themselves.

"You think we'll be together forever?" Zelda asked.

"I doubt it," Link answered, shocking Zelda. "Nothing lasts forever, but what is important that we make every day count."

"Can you change me?" Zelda asked.

"Pardon?" Link questioned.

"Make me a Werepire like you," Zelda said. "Then we can be together forever."

Link shook his head.

"You're too important to me," Link said. "I won't do it unless it's a last resort. I love you."

"I love you, too, Link," Zelda smiled.

They went back to kissing until there was a knock on the door. Link didn't bother to get off of Zelda as she let the servant enter the room. The servant became flustered at their position, but told them that the master bedroom was ready.

-POINTLESS SCENE TRANSITION-

(Master Bedroom)

Link and Zelda were hanging out, just talking.

"Why won't you change me?" Zelda asked.

Link sighed for the third time.

"I already told you three times already," he said. "One, it's against Werepire Law, and two, you're too important to me."

"If I'm so important," Zelda said. "Why can't you change me? We'll be able to stay together forever."

"It's illegal in Werepire Culture," Link answered. "And I love you too much to do so. I never thought I deserved you, Zel."

Zelda looked at him like he had eight legs.

"Wh-What?" she gasped, gapping at him.

"You're everything that I want," Link explained. "But I feel that you deserve a wealthy prince instead of me. You could meet someone better than me and marry him."

Zelda sighed and kissed him softly.

"Here's the thing, Link," she said. "If I wanted someone else, I wouldn't have gone through all of this story to be with you. I love you and only you. You may not feel you deserve me, but I feel that _**I**_ don't deserve _**YOU**_."

"Here's my thing," Link said. "You're sweeter than aspartame. Your kisses reconfigure my DNA, and after I met you, I never was the same. I love you even more than Marlon Brando loves soufflé. You're gorgeous, you're charming, and you're perfect in every way. You're the prettiest thing on the planet. You have a body hotter than a habanero and lips like a ripe pomegranate. You have a smile so incredibly radiant, I feel like I have to look at it through smoked glass. You're everything I dreamed of."

Zelda smiled at the beauty Link thought she had, tears in her eyes.

"Oh, Link," she swooned. "I love you so much."

She kissed him gently to let him know her words were true. Link held Zelda close to him and leaned in to kiss her. They were interrupted by one of the Castle Servants.

"Princess Zelda," she said. "We have finished with the Wedding Preparations. Would you like to see them?"

"I will go and see them later," Zelda replied. "You may leave. I am in the middle of something."

"Of course, Princess," she said. "I apologize for interrupting your… session with your fiancé."

The servant left Link and Zelda alone. They both sighed and went back to each other.

"What do we do now?" Zelda asked. "You're all moved in and the servants are already annoying."

The next thing she knew, Link had slammed his lips to hers and nearly knocked all wind from her lungs. Zelda hardly had a moment to react before he pressed his tongue to the seam of her lips and, at her grant of access, delved inside her mouth.

It was a very sloppy kiss with the strong scent of old wine being exchanged in the intermingling of their billowing breaths. Zelda's arms reached up and tangled around his thick, strong neck.

In an instant she had pulled away and arched up into his broad chest, moaning in the contact of body heat against her own, before she drew back into his lips. Zelda could nearly feel the slight burn of the wine as it rolled off her tongue and seeped down her throat with every push of his tongue against hers.

Were they ever strangers? Zelda wasn't sure they were. That day she first saw Link, there was something even then, though she didn't know what. Zelda wondered if there was an element of time that allows them to feel a strong love, like an orange glow bursting over a dark horizon.

It was light for their eyes only, something to carry them through this life. It was the dawn of the Smashtopican Zelda was today, the Smashtopican she was destined to be. She would give up anything on Maotune for Link.

She would do anything to keep him safe. Though Zelda worked hard to keep him comfortable now, she'd rather be poor in money than risk losing Link's heart. Zelda recalled the day their bond was forged. It was like being let into the warmth after a lifetime of winter.

Zelda could never wish to go back to even a day before that. Link was the greatest treasure of her life, the one, the only one. Link was the only healthy drug there was. The one that put Zelda's mind into a frenzy of sparks.

The simple touch of Link's hand leads her into moving in ways she never learnt but know so well. The feelings rocked Zelda's head backwards as Link kissed her neck and pushed his body into hers. They engulfed her senses and stole away her worries.

In that moment Zelda was only alive in the present, all thoughts of past and future melted away. This medicine Link brought healed her, and though she was addicted she felt safe because Link was equally addicted to her.

She still remembered when they were younger. He made "sexual" comments, jokes, gestures, and she intercepted signals that were not-so-pastoral directed at her. He would "accidentally" brush up against her, or linger his hand longer than it was usual when they shook hands.

One day he hugged her, not a perfunctory gesture mandated by social etiquette. It lingered, his stubble glazed her cheeks, and he brushed his lips on hers. His hand traveled the distance from her shoulders to her buttocks and touched them, pinched her.

She pulled away from him, her knees knocking against each other. As though something had not happened, Mr. Kimani went all Biblical on her. Zelda decided to lock the door so there would be no more interruptions.

Link went along with what Zelda wanted and they undressed each other. There was something so disarming about seeing Zelda naked. There was a vulnerability in her eyes Link couldn't resist. His eyes traveled from her face to her collar bone, delicate in the semi-darkness, then to her breasts.

Without lingerie they sit lower, more natural, less close together, each so perfect and molded to her form. Link didn't linger too long, just enough for her to see how beautiful she is to him. It was her eyes Link want to see and his hands can tell me the rest.

Zelda's skin was amber in the moonlight. The white glow floods in the unguarded window, yet without a light on in here they were quite safe from prying eyes. As always she wore black lace, so soft over her pale skin, brown hair tumbling to the small of her back.

Link was so scared everything would change when they married, but if anything it would made their sex so much deeper, more sensual. Her hand alights on his face, moving down past his collar bone. Already Link's brain was on fire.

She was his angel with fingertips of flame. In these moments she loves him with her eyes has much as her body, their souls mingling in the quiet moments between action and stillness. The cool room already feels warm.

It was hard to hold back, to make the moment last. Wasn't it always the way, so caught between the intoxication of the climax and extending a moment they never want to end.

-POINTLESS SCENE TRANSITION-

(Wedding Day)

Zelda held the bouquet, ready for the ceremony, her hands twinge with sweat. She was nervous. Incredibly so. Her heart ran with legs like a runner. Her eyebrows frowned in worry and impatience. She glanced at the bouquet, ready to keep well away from the plants, which were still beautifully deadly.

They carried an otherworldly trance. She gulped. It was nearly time. The flowers would end the bride's life. Their marriage had been inevitable from the time they were teens. They were inseparable. Each was the center of the universe for the other.

They were so relaxed in each other's company, so caring. Their love for one another radiated from them, touching the lives of everyone they knew. Over the years they remained devoted to one other. Through sicknesses and family tragedy's they supported one another.

In the rough times neither strayed. Now they walk through the neighborhood arm in arm, the light spring sunshine reflecting from their hair.

When asked the secret to a long happy marriage they would smile and say, "good communication, never go to bed on an argument and never let fun become unimportant". The room buzzed with excited chatter and children ran between the tables in a good natured game of tag.

Then the bride and groom entered, applause spread across the room.

"Dear friends and family," said the Priest. "We are gathered here today to witness and celebrate the union of Lincoln "Link" Avalon and Princess Zelda Harkinian in marriage. Through their time together, they have come to realize that their personal dreams, hopes, and goals are more attainable and more meaningful through the combined effort and mutual support provided in love, commitment, and family. And so they have decided to live together as husband and wife. Link and Zelda, remember to treat yourselves and each other with respect, and remind yourselves often of what brought you together. Take responsibility for making the other feel safe, and give the highest priority to the tenderness, gentleness and kindness that your connection deserves. When frustration, difficulty and fear assail your relationship, as they threaten all relationships at some time or another, remember to focus on what is right between you, not just the part that seems wrong. In this way, you can survive the times when clouds drift across the face of the sun in your lives, remembering that, just because you may lose sight of it for a moment, does not mean the sun has gone away. And, if each of you takes responsibility for the quality of your life together, it will be marked by abundance and delight. Do you, Lincoln "Link" Avalon, take Princess Zelda Harkinian to be your lawfully wedded wife, promising to love and cherish, through joy and sorrow, sickness and health, and whatever challenges you may face, for as long as you both shall live?"

"I, Lincoln "Link" Avalon," he said. "Accept you, Princess Zelda Harkinian, as my companion and my wife. I promise to care for you, honor you, and cherish you, for as long as we both shall love."

"And do you?" he asked. "Princess Zelda Harkinian, take Lincoln "Link" Avalon to be your husband? To have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, from this day forward until death do you part?"

"I take you as my wedded husband," she answered. "To share my life with you, and pledge that I will love, honor, and care for you in tenderness and affection in all the varying circumstances of our lives."

Dark Pit handed the rings to Link and Zelda so they could put them on each other.

"I give you this ring," Link said. "A symbol of my love, as I give to you all that I am, and accept from you, all that you are."

"I will wear it gladly," Zelda smiled. "Whenever I look at it, I will remember this joyous day and the vows and commitments that we have made."

"And now," the priest said. "By the power vested in me by the Kingdom of Hyrule, I hereby pronounce you husband and wife. Lincoln, you may kiss your bride."

The groom leaned in for a kiss. There were cheers and someone whooped. Link's parents cried tears of joy, finally realizing how much Zelda loved their son.


End file.
